Driving to another Bridgehouse location me and Łukasz were listening to Next Culture Radio BLTH Study Group Week 124. Today when I sat down with the intention to become radically responsible and radically vulnerable, the word “confession” naturally came to mind.
- I confess that I am feeding low drama by saying “yes”, when I do not have a full yes within me.
- I confess that I give my power away in this way to others.
- I confess my inner Rescuer is much more active in Bridgehouse spaces and other spaces I spacehold. There is a part of me that is still afraid of chaos and conflict, and mitigates that in different subtle ways. There is a part of me that loves the role of a hen mom that wants to gather all the chicks and make sure they are ok. I take power away from others when I am rescuing them.
- I confess I sometimes take other people’s centre, when they offer it to me.
- I confess my inner Dictator is more active in Bridgehouse spaces and other spaces I spacehold. I do not act upon this much, but I sometimes sense an energetical pull to “force transformation” upon others, and of course - my mems, “my scenario of transformation”. I also have energetical pull to “achieve goals' '. And at the same time I celebrate I did not put any structure or measuring sticks in place for the Seed Bridgehouse. We have sourced a clear vision and objectives only and I am tending to those in my own way during the Seed Bridgehouse (as I shared in a Day 21 post).
- I confess I fear the anger of others sometimes and therefore I become adaptive. I confess I eneter low drama when I play Child-Parent or Parent-Child ego states games, renenacting the relationship wit my father.
- I confess that until recently I was subtly and subconsciously playing the “happy motivated spaceholder” role in the Seed Bridgehouse. Motivating others can come from many places and in my experience with observing myself and others it is very easy for manipulative patriarchal traits to enter the stage. Joy of Life and Joy of Service is the biggest value I am bringing to spaces and at the same time there are shadow parts mixed in there. I am committed to separate Joy from Fear and investigate them. I am committed to check: Where does my enthusiasm come from?
*
I am confessing and I am celebrating.
I am not beating myself up.
I am honouring both the Bright and Shadow part at work within me.
*
I am fully committed to getting all my bullshit uncovered and transformed.
(My “good girl box” loves that. Constant self development is, as you know, delicious food for perfectionist boxes. I am checking the place from which this commitment arises.)
I am committed to speaking my truth about others' bullshit when I sense it.
(My “good girl box” hates that. It is trembling and shaking, and the deepest emotional fears arise. I am ready to confront those fears).
*
We are not looking to be comfortable, we wrote in our manifesto.
We want it real, we want it radical, we want it Alive.
I am committed to this path.
*
Looking forward to prolonging our Seed Bridgehouse journey starting on Monday for more one or two weeks. Looking forward to the reflection and integration time afterwards. Looking forward to the next possibilities that are emerging for us to carry the seedling of Transformational Hub for Regenerative Cultures further.
