We are sitting on the ground in the pine forest. We are letting our heart speak. I feel it is my turn. I have 6 minutes. Some long seconds pass for me to really be able to hear what my heart wants. I start smiling. “I want to be wild” - I say. “I want to roar like a lioness” - I say. “Roar!” - Ewa says. I go on my fours and I roar. And then unexpectedly I throw myself to the side and start rolling down the slope on the sand, over pine cones and dry sticks. “I want to scratch my arms and legs, I want to FEEL, I want to be in direct contact with life” - I scream, digging my fingers and bare feet into the sandy soil, scraping the forest floor in my hands. I start sobbing. I feel the earth beneath me in an ecstatic sensual way. “I am so detached from life, from what is, I am spending most of my time in my head!” - I cry with despair and grief. I feel the Aliveness roaring in my body. I feel the presence of the moment with full intensity. I mourn the fact that I always want something else than actually is here and now, and everything is here already. I look up at the sky and the pine trees tops and I shake with awe as I can really SEE them. Everything Is Here. Everything is perfect the way it is. I cry and I laugh.
Right now I am untamed. Right now I am wild.
*
I have wild impulses taking over. Suddenly I find myself breaking through the bushes instinctively making my way through with all my limbs, getting my face and arms scratched, getting my clothes torn.
I widely wave and scream at a cargo train passing by along the other side of the river Tagus, in the middle of nowhere, and the train toots back at me, and I wave and the train toots and I laugh with uncontrollable joy.
We are on the Bridgehouse group hike. Suddenly, without telling anyone, I turn and disappear into the forest. The rocks up the hill are calling me. I climb using my feet and hands. I reach the rocks. Few huge back condors soaring very low above my head. I came here for this meeting I didn't know of.
*
I am lay on the ground, I moan and I pray for the Wildness and Life to enter and crack me open again.
